Sunday, November 8, 2015



my last update was on december omg that was so fucking long ago? almost a year, in fact. wow my mind is completely boggled by that fact lol

anyway, it's 3.21am. i'm not telling you the date because you'll figure that out by looking at the time stamp thing above this whole post. i'm feeling pretty bored right now, which is why i decided to go here and you know, visit some stuff of mine that i haven't opened in quite a while.

what happened in the past year so far?

okay, first of all, i'm studying in a university now which is good?? yeah it's good!! i'm still happy i got accepted considering my result wasn't much of a flatter to me, my parents and their expectations.

was i expecting more? of course i was. i thought i would have aced it or something. but the results proved otherwise lol and i don't blame it. i blame myself. i didn't put much effort into it. i really didn't. i took it way too easily. i took things for granted. in simple words, i pretty much half-assed it.
how stupid of me, really. but well, it's in the past now and there's nothing i can do about it.

was i disappointed? hell yes. at first, i couldn't even believe it. i was like "wow this is all i got? after all the so-called bullshit i went through?"

my parents were disappointed as well. i know it even if they didn't actually tell me about it. it was obvious. my dad was okay with it, i guess. my mom, however, was the complete opposite. i could see that she was so disappointed in me. she looked angry. she looked sad. she looked like all sorts of things i wish i hadn't seen. at that moment, honestly, i felt like crying and kneeling before her, felt like asking for her forgiveness. at that moment, i felt like a total failure.

but that was all in the past. i don't think they care much about it anymore. i got accepted into the uni they recommended anyway. so i guess it's fine now.

i'm on my first sem break right now. and well let me just tell you that my condition is pretty fucked up lol

being home after so long feels really good of course, but it also has its downfalls. for instance, my sleeping schedule is completely fucked up. like, completely. like why am i even awake at almost 4am in the fucking morning? my skin has gotten worse. my rash had spread to other places. basically, i'm currently a living mess right now.

though i'm sure i'll be able to pick myself up once my second semester starts. but i'm still scared for my final result. i'm not quite sure how i did last month. terrifying to even think about it ugh.

well, i guess that's all i wanna write about for now. maybe i'll update my blog again next year or something lol

the time is now 3.32am.


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